The Art of Loving pg.118
"Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."
You gotta have faith in order to have love, I think that's so true. There's so much that is uncertain in love, like leaping off a building.
Maybe that's why I have been feeling faithful lately, spiritual for no particular reason.
I want to love better.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
So This Will Help Me Sleep?!
In this Art of Loving book. Pg. 106
It says that too many of us live like zombies. If we actually paid attention and concentrated on every aspect of our day, we'd stay alert yet be able to sleep at night.
So living as a mindless zombie makes us sleepy, yet unable to sleep at night. That makes sense I think. We're so anxious because we are unaware of ourselves and not really living. If we were focused and aware of ourselves we would feel whole and complete, ready to end the day, conk out. Is that what they are saying?
I'm going to try being more alert and see if I can nip this insomnia in the butty.
It says that too many of us live like zombies. If we actually paid attention and concentrated on every aspect of our day, we'd stay alert yet be able to sleep at night.
So living as a mindless zombie makes us sleepy, yet unable to sleep at night. That makes sense I think. We're so anxious because we are unaware of ourselves and not really living. If we were focused and aware of ourselves we would feel whole and complete, ready to end the day, conk out. Is that what they are saying?
I'm going to try being more alert and see if I can nip this insomnia in the butty.
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Global Village Mentality
Thoughts on Art of Loving Pg 96-98:
Since we don't have a God to guide us in our purpose and moral principles we are aimless and anxious, we exchange our personalities in the commodity market. It's all individualistic and egotistic; it's aimed how we can benefit from our exchanges rather than seeing ourselves as a wider community working toward a common goal.
Alright so it seems the modern man lacks a little spiritual guidance. But isn't the other opposite extreme important to consider: Won't he lose himself completely if he surrenders to the almighty God?
So somewhere there needs to be a balance, between being spiritual and being an individual. Can a person have their own values and yet operate among a community guided by principles. Am I describing new age Christianity?
I think we need to be critical of our own religion, but not to the point where we alienate ourselves from the community or (God) whatever you believe.
Since we don't have a God to guide us in our purpose and moral principles we are aimless and anxious, we exchange our personalities in the commodity market. It's all individualistic and egotistic; it's aimed how we can benefit from our exchanges rather than seeing ourselves as a wider community working toward a common goal.
Alright so it seems the modern man lacks a little spiritual guidance. But isn't the other opposite extreme important to consider: Won't he lose himself completely if he surrenders to the almighty God?
So somewhere there needs to be a balance, between being spiritual and being an individual. Can a person have their own values and yet operate among a community guided by principles. Am I describing new age Christianity?
I think we need to be critical of our own religion, but not to the point where we alienate ourselves from the community or (God) whatever you believe.
For Freud: Sex is love
The reason why Freud feels love through sex, is because he is like many sexually immature boys who have the same problem of trying to seek intimacy through the act of sex.
I believe that with some guys the only way they feel anything is through the orgasm. Biologically that makes sense, it is a matter of hormone levels. When transmen start taking testosterone shots, they feel an emotional blockage and the craving for lots of quick and easy sex.
I believe that with some guys the only way they feel anything is through the orgasm. Biologically that makes sense, it is a matter of hormone levels. When transmen start taking testosterone shots, they feel an emotional blockage and the craving for lots of quick and easy sex.
Measure in Sex
Pg 82: It talks about the level of Sexual pleasure being the measure of love in a relationship:
"...It fitted the general illusion of the time to assume that using the right techniques is the solution not only to technical problems of industrial production, but of all human problems as well."
So it all just leads back to capitalism and industry. I would add to this statement that the proper sexual techniques also revolved around the same values as the market: quick, efficient, repetitive, easy.
That's why so often sex is measured by the amount and not often by the intensity. I remember hooking up with this girl who was so sure I'd want to have sex over and over again. The way she did me was so mechanical, I immediately got off before I could even feel anything. And she wanted to do this to me all night long?! No way, I just fell asleep.
"...It fitted the general illusion of the time to assume that using the right techniques is the solution not only to technical problems of industrial production, but of all human problems as well."
So it all just leads back to capitalism and industry. I would add to this statement that the proper sexual techniques also revolved around the same values as the market: quick, efficient, repetitive, easy.
That's why so often sex is measured by the amount and not often by the intensity. I remember hooking up with this girl who was so sure I'd want to have sex over and over again. The way she did me was so mechanical, I immediately got off before I could even feel anything. And she wanted to do this to me all night long?! No way, I just fell asleep.
Experiment: I need to motify
Yeah, so the experiment of me not masturbating for a week failed, but not entirely. I have now pushed it down to once every other day. It's not that I think anything is morally wrong with pleasing yourself, it is the fact that it cures a lack of connectedness that I need to find by other means.
In tribal terms, if I do less of the "drug and trance and orgy" thing to myself, I will be forced to seek this elsewhere, in forms that aren't so superficial or self perpetuating.
I think I'll seek out some queer communities, I was thinking of joining this gay temple downtown, I usually like the queer Jews anyway. It's a liberal enough place that it wouldn't revolve around religion so much as be an open place to be Jewish and gay. They have some classes on the Kabbala and I would love to learn more about these alternative interpretations of the text.
In tribal terms, if I do less of the "drug and trance and orgy" thing to myself, I will be forced to seek this elsewhere, in forms that aren't so superficial or self perpetuating.
I think I'll seek out some queer communities, I was thinking of joining this gay temple downtown, I usually like the queer Jews anyway. It's a liberal enough place that it wouldn't revolve around religion so much as be an open place to be Jewish and gay. They have some classes on the Kabbala and I would love to learn more about these alternative interpretations of the text.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Polarize my Ass
The Art of Loving Pg 31:
"The homosexual deviation is a failure to attain this polarized union, and thus the homosexual suffers from the pain of never resolved separateness; a failure, however, which he shares with the average heterosexual who cannot love."
So what are you saying? I can't love because I can't be straight. Being straight is not the goal. I Don't strive for it, because I'm simply not interested. These heterosexist books make me mad for this reason. The author is so completely disconnected from the experience of a homosexual, how dare he tries to talk about something he has no knowledge of himself.
Homosexuality is not a failure, in my opinion it is a success. The success is of truly finding yourself and what can bring you the most genuine love. It is hard to be honest and be yourself when you live in a heteronormative world which constantly encourages straight behavior, while chastising any deviation from that norm.
"The homosexual deviation is a failure to attain this polarized union, and thus the homosexual suffers from the pain of never resolved separateness; a failure, however, which he shares with the average heterosexual who cannot love."
So what are you saying? I can't love because I can't be straight. Being straight is not the goal. I Don't strive for it, because I'm simply not interested. These heterosexist books make me mad for this reason. The author is so completely disconnected from the experience of a homosexual, how dare he tries to talk about something he has no knowledge of himself.
Homosexuality is not a failure, in my opinion it is a success. The success is of truly finding yourself and what can bring you the most genuine love. It is hard to be honest and be yourself when you live in a heteronormative world which constantly encourages straight behavior, while chastising any deviation from that norm.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I have officially decided...
to STOP masturbating for one whole week!
So that means, no touching myself and certainly no porn.
Starting today... well tomorrow, 'cause I already did it once already.
Wednesday-Wednesday January 27th. Let's see how I survive this. I will be reporting periodically to monitor my progress. I'm in recovery.
So that means, no touching myself and certainly no porn.
Starting today... well tomorrow, 'cause I already did it once already.
Wednesday-Wednesday January 27th. Let's see how I survive this. I will be reporting periodically to monitor my progress. I'm in recovery.
Always in a Trance
So this Art of Loving book is saying that primitive tribes used to take hallucinogenic drugs and have massive orgies to help cure their own alienation from the world and each other. In our modern time they would be considered alcoholics or addicts.
The sexual experience, particularly the Orgasm, delivers people away from their anxiety and loneliness for a certain amount of time, until the tension builds and the anxiety is released by performing these sexual rituals over and over again.
So the fact that I have this overwhelming need to masturbate two to three times a day is quite bad, when you look at it this way!
The sexual experience, particularly the Orgasm, delivers people away from their anxiety and loneliness for a certain amount of time, until the tension builds and the anxiety is released by performing these sexual rituals over and over again.
So the fact that I have this overwhelming need to masturbate two to three times a day is quite bad, when you look at it this way!
Quote I love.
The Art of Loving pg 8:
"Man is gifted with reason; he is life being aware of himself, of his fellow man, of his past, and the possibilities of his future. This awareness of himself as a separate entity, the awareness of his own short life span, of the fact that without his will he is born and against it he dies, that he will die before those whom he loves, or they before him, the awareness of his aloneness and separateness, of his helplessness before the forces of nature and society, all this make his separate, disunited existence an unbearable prison. He would become insane could he not liberate himself from this prison and reach out, unite himself in some form or other with men, with the world outside."
Wow. This explains so much. I think why I fall for people so easily is my own loneliness and failure to reach out to others. I just want to drain the life out of the person I am currently into. I have decided that it is unhealthy and not conducive to long-term relationships and certainly no way to have real long lasting friendships.
From now on I will vow to create social intimacy, instead of lusting like a stupid teenage boy.
"Man is gifted with reason; he is life being aware of himself, of his fellow man, of his past, and the possibilities of his future. This awareness of himself as a separate entity, the awareness of his own short life span, of the fact that without his will he is born and against it he dies, that he will die before those whom he loves, or they before him, the awareness of his aloneness and separateness, of his helplessness before the forces of nature and society, all this make his separate, disunited existence an unbearable prison. He would become insane could he not liberate himself from this prison and reach out, unite himself in some form or other with men, with the world outside."
Wow. This explains so much. I think why I fall for people so easily is my own loneliness and failure to reach out to others. I just want to drain the life out of the person I am currently into. I have decided that it is unhealthy and not conducive to long-term relationships and certainly no way to have real long lasting friendships.
From now on I will vow to create social intimacy, instead of lusting like a stupid teenage boy.
Additional Adage
I find that sex with a man is a very mechanical act, while sex with a woman remains a very spiritual experience.
I recommend the latter.
I recommend the latter.
The Art of Loving
I found this totally rad book sitting in my library, actually it was in the pile that Brian donated. It's about all forms of love: family, spiritual, romantic.
pg. 83 It says exactly what I have come to know for a while. "Love is not the result of adequate sexual satisfaction, but of sexual happiness --even the knowledge of the so-called sexual technique-- is the result of love"
It's ridiculous how so many people think of sex as a science, and buy all these dumb books about technique, when all your actions are guided by your emotions.
Experience is relative to me, the notion of having experience in bed is a load of shit when that experience lacks in experiencing emotional intimacy (love).
The book further attributes this focus on sexual satisfaction as the source of love, to our lovely Freud. Yeah I'm not sure if I buy that.
pg. 83 It says exactly what I have come to know for a while. "Love is not the result of adequate sexual satisfaction, but of sexual happiness --even the knowledge of the so-called sexual technique-- is the result of love"
It's ridiculous how so many people think of sex as a science, and buy all these dumb books about technique, when all your actions are guided by your emotions.
Experience is relative to me, the notion of having experience in bed is a load of shit when that experience lacks in experiencing emotional intimacy (love).
The book further attributes this focus on sexual satisfaction as the source of love, to our lovely Freud. Yeah I'm not sure if I buy that.
I went on a date last night...
Alright so I have been exploring alternative relationships.
This young man, Lovinsky, claims he is Polyamorous, which means that he does not commit to anyone and dates multiple people at once (it's not cheating because he's open about it).
I am learning about this poly thing, so I am dating poly people to try to understand it and see if I am poly myself. I know some very awesome poly people, so I think he's just the bad kind...
He made a very poor impression. He talked about himself the entire time and did not care who I was, probably didn't think I had anything to say. He was just so way above me, smarter and more advanced. That's not true but that is how he acted. It's funny that the last guy I went out with, Dave, acted the same way and talk about himself so much. Is it men being so damned sexist and thinking women are all just dumb blondes or is it these men?
I LEARNED: Lovinsky only has lovers that he has sex with and then gets bored of and moves on. The reason why he gets so bored is because he was never interested in anyone but himself. He loves to hear himself talk and never wants to change. He doesn't want to truly learn about me or anyone, or learn about himself, be changed by someone. The resistance toward being influenced by someone is what makes him bored. He cares only about himself and seems to use others for sex.
I WAS DIFFERENT: I let him talk and asked him about his life. I let myself be affected by him. I thought, "Maybe he could open my mind to new possibilities." Maybe there is something I can learn from him, I could show him. We can share in our experiences and even relate to each other through them. Maybe if we worked together we could share our feelings and and understand our lives better. We can sympathize with our struggles, be there when the other person is feeling really bad. And grow stronger together. And we would a form a bond that would become indestructible and last our entire lives.
WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO FIND?
This young man, Lovinsky, claims he is Polyamorous, which means that he does not commit to anyone and dates multiple people at once (it's not cheating because he's open about it).
I am learning about this poly thing, so I am dating poly people to try to understand it and see if I am poly myself. I know some very awesome poly people, so I think he's just the bad kind...
He made a very poor impression. He talked about himself the entire time and did not care who I was, probably didn't think I had anything to say. He was just so way above me, smarter and more advanced. That's not true but that is how he acted. It's funny that the last guy I went out with, Dave, acted the same way and talk about himself so much. Is it men being so damned sexist and thinking women are all just dumb blondes or is it these men?
I LEARNED: Lovinsky only has lovers that he has sex with and then gets bored of and moves on. The reason why he gets so bored is because he was never interested in anyone but himself. He loves to hear himself talk and never wants to change. He doesn't want to truly learn about me or anyone, or learn about himself, be changed by someone. The resistance toward being influenced by someone is what makes him bored. He cares only about himself and seems to use others for sex.
I WAS DIFFERENT: I let him talk and asked him about his life. I let myself be affected by him. I thought, "Maybe he could open my mind to new possibilities." Maybe there is something I can learn from him, I could show him. We can share in our experiences and even relate to each other through them. Maybe if we worked together we could share our feelings and and understand our lives better. We can sympathize with our struggles, be there when the other person is feeling really bad. And grow stronger together. And we would a form a bond that would become indestructible and last our entire lives.
WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO FIND?
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